apple pie and custard

As you know at weekends I do the cooking to give Mrs Claus a break and this is not usually an issue. I have my range of stand by menus and a couple of "specials" that always go down well even with the elves, Bodybuilder and JetSki boy and of course Hugh the reindeer has to have his share. To all intents and purposes yesterday was no exception, just an ordinary meal, succulent pork steaks with roast potatoes carrots and brussel sprouts with a few beans on the side for the elves followed by apple pie and custard. Well ! that's when the trouble started. Mrs Claus is having a party soon to celebrate her XXXth birthday and in anticipation is having an early spring clean. Everything has been moved, cleaned, polished and put back but not necessarily where it came from. I have found some of my DVD's in the most peculiar of places and the Hugh's food has been banished to a cupboard under the stairs and at one time I thought I had lost the reindeer. Yesterday was "kitchen cleaning" and just in case there was any doubt about what retribution awaited anyone who subsequently messed it up, not only were there stern warnings to all and sundry but a Facebook post just to make sure EVERYONE got the message. But you can't cook (at least I can't) without making a little mess, particularly when your favourite saucepan has disappeared, the microwave is at the opposite end of the house and the vegetable racks have been cleaned within an inch of their lives. Still, cook I did and between main course and pudding Mrs Claus indulges her Facebook addiction and starts making sarcastic remarks about where is the pudding. At which point the whole world became involved with 33 posts at the latest count and people threatening to come from as far away as California to steal my custard. Now custard is not my forte at the best of times so I considered a switch to rice pudding and still there is a queue at the door, Hugh fighting people off for his share of the milky puddings. And for those of you who have been following the plot the ginger syrup sponge was too moist, and was just beginning to burn on top by the time the centre had risen and become firm. Eating was good though
Then there was the event this morning. Hugh and I were out with the dawn and the thermometer showing -5, a hard frost and thick ice on the ponds. He was in his warm red coat and I had my woolly hat on so that was OK. For those of you still on the old scale this is -5 Centigrade although I have been on the shores of Lake Michigan when the temperature was -3 Farenheit!
We came down the path past the heron pond to the stream and pond nearest to the sleigh park and in the water was a black labrador up to his shoulders in icy water. I asked the owner is he stuck (I wasn't offering to go and help) or stupid but apparently this is what the dog loves to do. He chases his ball across the ice, throwing himself down on it to break it then swimming forwards to chest the ice out of the way like an ice breaker. But this morning the ice was over half an inch thick (and no I don't do centimetres) and he was having great difficulty breaking it. He had his front paws on the solid ice in front of him but was out of his depth in the cold water and could get no purchase on it to bring his weight to bear. So he reared up and brought his two front legs crashing down on the ice until he broke through, swam into the gap and then repeated the process until he reached his ball. His next problem was that the ball had frozen to the ice so he had to climb up onto the surface to lever it off with his teeth and this time it was a good thing that it was thick enough to carry his weight. Having successfully retrieved the ball he swam back to the bank and happily shook icy water over both of us before trotting off with his wagging tail held high.
Noel Coward used to sing about Mad Dogs and Englishmen but they went out into the noonday sun rather than into icy pools
Talking of dogs there is a lovely video animation on You Tube at the moment. Just search GodandDog into the search bar or paste this link http://www.godanddog.org/.
Enjoy

CTS - what does it mean? - read on then

Mrs Claus is in hospital. To be more accurate she was in hospital attending an outpatient clinic to look at the numbness in her hands. It is now official that she has bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome. "can you feel anything?" asked the consultant as he bent her wrtists back. "Well yes, it hurts" replied Mrs Claus - well of course it would but that seems to be the delight of the medical profession. I recall a physiotherapist with whom I once worked who assured all her patients that if it didn't hurt it wasn't doing them any good! It is apparently very interesting - there are two nerves that run under the heel of the wrist one of which serves the thumb, index and middle fingers and half the ring finger and a second just for the remainder of the ring finger and the little finger.
It is strange that Mrs Claus should get anything to do with tunnels as I know she hates tunnels, particularly those affected with tube trains but she has been known to get extremely anxious passing under road bridges. I once suggested that we use the Channel Tunnel to travel across to the Continent on Christmas Eve to give the reindeer a rest and that idea was vetoed very quickly.
I suppose it all comes from spending those long evenings plaiting reindeer thongs to make reins and harness. Mind you I have never found reindeer that sexy whether in a thong or not!
I was getting the sleigh out the other evening to pop into town for supplies when Mrs Prim and Proper came jogging by - head to foot in black lycra with fluorescent stripes down each arm and leg. I think the vision defies further comment.
Now that Mrs Claus is such a Facebook fan it gets more difficult to bring you real news in these bulletins as she has usually blabbed to the world the minute anything of interest has happened. However I will try to keep a few secrets to be revealed exclusively on these pages so that my loyal readers will still have something to celebrate (yes both of you). Snow on the mountains and a beautiful sunrise in California one of my readers assures me and slush underfoot in Lapland I can tell you. My faithful reader who fell on the ice is now much recovered but has since lost a tooth and was today preparing for an 80th (not her own) birthday party. No 900 bottles of wine there I suspect although it might have made the tooth problem less painful. Get better soon CM
If CC is still reading then I know you saw two brown hares today - honestly I thought PC had more than that and if you come round here you will see considerably more than two grey hairs.
You can tell that there is little news in the world of Santa at the moment but it is still the quiet season.
Happy Burns night to those of you who take an interest in such things

Popular demand

Does anyone know what is the matter with Facebook today? Posts take hours to register or get lost completely and my home page totally blank for most of the day. I asked on Facebook should I continue blogging and my faithful reader said "go for it" Thanks Marylew - Carol and Carol I am really disappointed. So, what to blog about or should that be snow what to blog about. A lot of weather we have been having recently - as the English would say. First it was snow, then it was ice and now it is floods - what excuses will the teams come up with next to say that they can't get into work. You would have thought that elves could cope with a bit of snow - apparently not.
You will recall the new silver sleigh - well body builder, not to be outdone, has purchased a second hand silver sleigh of his own. A little old and scratched but with 1.8 reindeer it goes very well. I should know I didn't put him on the insurance for a week! Apart from the odd tinkling bell sleighs are supposed to be silent but not bodybuilder's. He has had a new exhaust system fitted (reindeer wind can be terrible if you don't get it under control) and now it sounds like a GT racing sleigh. We have a little group of senior elves and retired elves meet each week and one of them had seen a new sleigh in the area and guessed it was bodybuilder's. "makes a lovely noise" she commented
Mrs Claus has a birthday coming up and is planning a little celebration. I see by her shopping list that she has requested 900 bottles of wine so I think she is expecting a good time.She plans to invite some of the African elves which should be exciting. I blame the vicar, he put her up to it in this morning's sermon and he isn't even getting an invitation. Heaven knows what he will be asking for next. I suppose Mrs Claus will be wanting 5,000 loaves and 2,000 fishes as well and a little fire from Elijah just to cook it all
The snow hides the reindeer pooh which is fine at the time but a real mess now that the thaw has come. Two great sacks of it I tidied up this afternoon - up to the top of my wellies I was.
This is the quiet time of year when very little happens, just tidying up the grotto, packing away the sacks and beginning to think about the lists for next December. Mind you I am not complaining, a little time to catch up with ourselves is always good