Judges

Some readers who share a common interest will know that September is a month for judges in the Claus household and covers more than one generation.
Daddy Claus who now lives in retirement by the sea entered, as he does every year, both vegetables and photos in the annual town show. This year he did not get a first as has been the case in past years but did get a second and a "highly commended", whilst for the first time Mummy Claus received a "highly commended" for her gooseberry jam. Well done both! It seems a shame however that you then have to bid in the auction to get your own produce back to enjoy
at home but I suppose it is all in a good cause, probably.
Secondly, in Santa's housegroup we have begun to study the book of Judges, being the sixth book of the Old Testament. Having come into the Promised Land the Children of Israel rather lost their way and spent a lot of their time beating up all the local people and eventually each other - so for a period of time they were led by a series of judges before they finally came to their senses and asked for a king. Humble reader, you might think you know nothing of the biblical judges but if I asked you about Gideon or even Sampson I am sure these are names you would recognise, but Deborah might come as a surprise to you. It never ceases to surprise me however that these ancient and historical books never mention Lapland nor my reindeer.
The third age of judges is yet to come in that Santa has been called upon to do his civic duty and sit on a jury. I am assured that neither David Jacobs nor Simon Cowell will be present but for some reason they have told me not to wear my red suit. I would have thought the beard would still be a giveaway though. I am called to serve in darkest B----d-n where I am told the correct form of dress is either Burberry check, preferably baseball cap and shorts or white stilletoes and a miniskirt. The local populace go by the tribal name of Chav - I seem to remember a pop duo called Chav and Dave, I wonder if there is a connection.
I know that you enjoy my nature notes and here is another update on the local fauna. Last blog I informed you of the return of the parakeets and now another familiar friend (or should I say friends) has returned. Long term readers will recall the "ride a llama" signs seen to the north of the great reservoir overlooking the industrial estate. The llamas have returned but I think it may be a while before anyone gets the chance to ride one as they all seem very young. They crane their long necks to look over the hedge and watch the passing cars and cyclists. With the recent traffic queues the cyclists tend to move far faster than the cars. They are definitely the origin of my good friend Dr Doolittle's pushmepullyou as they have a habit of standing end to end looking for all the world like a two headed beast.
Last week I was stopped by the police in what they call a census. They wanted to know where I had come from, where I was going and how often I did that particular journey and whether I normally carried passengers. They seemed very interested in the silver sleigh and wanted to know how many horsepower it had. I told them it was pulled by reindeer not horses - the modern constabulary, they really have no idea