back by popular demand (or is it nagging?)

Arrested at the Jordan border!!!!!
Well not actually but I had to come up with some plausible excuse as to why you have not heard from me for rather a long time. Partly I didn't want to flag a trip to Israel too soon just in case someone out there in the blogosphere had designs on burgling the house whilst we were away and since coming back there just hasn't been time - but fear not dear reader you have always been near my thoughts. Memory is a strange thing (particularly mine), it has the capacity to help you remember things that never happened, forget the really important ones and endow some of the things in between with a rosy tint. Mrs Claus on the other hand has a capacity to pull events and dates from her cerebral filing cabinet with amazing accuracy and speed. For instance I did not even remember that 23 years ago we were held on the tarmac for over two hours waiting for take off let alone the reason. That reason we later found out was an Irish lady intercepted at the airport carrying all the constituent parts of a bomb given to her as a present for the family by her "boyfriend". The shooting dead of the German tourist less then 50 feet away from us I do remember but thankfully not in technicolour.
Baggage searches this time were far more overt. Over the range of 6 international border crossings all of us had our cases searched at least once and the more suspicious looking ones (like me) twice or more. ~The trick is not to tell them anything. An affirmative answer to any of the following questions will result in an immediate search
Do you know anyone in Israel?
Has anyone given you anything to put in your luggage?
Did someone else pack/help you to pack the luggage
Has the luggage ever been out of your sight since you packed it?
Are you carrying a bomb? they do try to catch you out by asking the same question in a different format later on during the process
Do you have anything electrical?
The tale of the mobile phone in the suitcase will live long in the collective memory. The lady who walks 3 feet off the ground admitted to having electrical things including a mobile phone in her suitcase which of course prompted an immediate and thorough search. However no trace could be found of the mobile phone, or the alleged hair dryer, not amongst the clean clothes nor even the dirty washing. Even the assistance of Santa failed to find the elusive object until a further officer was called upon to exercise his skill in searching for such things. Skills honed by years of training proved their worth and the phone emerged, not without embarrassment. As the lady who walks 3 feet off the ground said later "it came out tangled in my bra - and it was my black one!" Gentleman readers of a sensitive disposition should perhaps take a break now before reading on .............................................................................

Leading a group of excitable pilgrims is not without its hazards, particularly when having to deal with horses and camels for the trip and faced with constant demands for bathrooms, restrooms, wc or comfort breaks to say nothing of fending off hunky hotel receptionists. More of Sebastian later perhaps. Although there were three gentleman and five ladies in the party (later joined by two of each for our first week), I am reminded most of the trio from the Mikado "three little girls from school are we" as we travelled with our not so innocents abroad.
The party consisted of Mrs Claus and myself (of course), the lady who walks 3 feet off the ground, her companion with the dirty laugh, my favourite retired teacher, the LSA, the tennis champion and the station master. Then we were joined by the Bolton two, the haggler from Yeovil and the monk.
Domestically you will be pleased to know that both body builder and jetski boy survived our absence. There was even evidence of washing up having been done which really marks a step up the evolutionary ladder. Keeping in mind the date of our return we were greeted on the doorstep by bodybuilder clutching a large parcel which he proceeded to give to Mrs Claus saying "here's a mothers' day present for you". The contents of this largess you might wonder? - dirty washing. To his credit he did return the following day with a proper and very well thought out gift whilst jetski boy produced, unprompted, a bunch of flowers.
Now that should have whetted your appetite for a while but for a fuller diary you will have to wait until the next time I log on.
thanks for reading - more to follow